Is healing from complex trauma really possible?

When you have been deeply harmed, especially during your childhood or by someone who was meant to love or protect you like a family member, it is natural to wonder if healing is actually possible. Early or repetitive trauma can feel like it fuses with our identity and becomes a part of who we are. Our beliefs about the possibility for healing will greatly influence the path we decide to take. If we don’t believe we can heal or feel powerless to know where to begin we may delay or avoid healing practices such as trauma therapy all together. However, if you understand that healing is possible you may decide to go on the courageous journey of trauma recovery. I am here to tell you that healing from trauma is possible.

What Healing Isn’t

Healing doesn’t mean erasing or forgetting what was done to you. Your life experiences are a part of your story, and there is no treatment that can make that go away, even if it at times that is what we wish could happen. Healing also doesn’t automatically mean forgiveness. You are not required to forgive in order to heal. While some may come to a point of forgiveness in their personal journey, this isn’t a requirement. Some things are unforgiveable.

What Healing Can Be

Healing from complex trauma is unique to each individual. Two people can experience the same event but have drastically different reactions to it. Healing begins by asking yourself the questions “What would healing look like for me? What would I like to see different or changed?” Your answers to these questions provide a helpful starting point, and below are some ideas of areas trauma survivors focus on in their healing journeys.

Improving Emotional Regulation

This can include learning skills to understand and manage our emotional, physical, and behavioral reactions. When we have experienced complex trauma there are often many triggers we deal with that lead to reactions that can feel out of our control and intense. Learning to better understand how our nervous system functions and what we can do to manage intense states associated with the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn survival responses can be healing. When you better understand your triggers and why you react the way that you do, you create space to practice emotional regulation tools, and alternative reactions or responses. Over time as you practice using your tools you can reshape your responses and master your triggers.

Building a Healthier Sense of Self

Complex trauma impacts our sense of self, and can lead us to believe we are bad, powerless, weak, or broken. Healing often involves unraveling the parts of our self that were formed through survival from who we are at our core or strive to be. Trauma healing involves learning about the different parts of ourself, what survival function they serve, how these different parts relate, and where they each came from. We learn to approach this introspection with gentle curiosity and self-compassion. Instead of criticizing or blaming ourself for our challenges we learn a new way of relating to our internal world. Many survivors find that they have internalized the voices or messages of abusive people and environments. These mean and critical statements can be replaced by a voice that is more understanding and gentle, leaving us more able to explore who we truly are.

Healthier Relationships

When we heal from trauma our relationships change. People in our lives will meet a different version of us, one that is more regulated, more confident of who we are, more clear on what we need, and more clear on what we will and won’t accept from others. Those who love and care for us will celebrate these changes, and be proud to witness the new self that is emerging. However, there will also be others who may have benefitted from the fact that we didn’t understand healthy boundaries or didn’t speak up for ourselves. These people may not like this new version of us, and we may see these less healthy or toxic relationships become more distant or even end.

Healing from complex trauma is possible. It can be a scary process to begin, and you do not have to do it alone. If you are ready to go on the sacred journey of trauma recovery please don’t hesitate to reach out for support.